Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
