fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
