Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
