He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
