True but thats because hes a fetus.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
