She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
there is puke in my bra ... again
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