And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
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