The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
