Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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