She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
as a side note pls kill me
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
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