Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
