No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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