Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
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