i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Randomize
