Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Someone signed my nipple.
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