Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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