took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
