Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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