There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize