i don't plan on having that self control this summer
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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