I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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