i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I am available for nakedness
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
