i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Randomize
