We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Randomize
