break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
