I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize
