Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
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