Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
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