Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
