And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
This is my gift to your gina
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
