i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
