My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
