Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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