you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Randomize
