Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
