if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
