from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
