I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
