my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Randomize
