I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Randomize