Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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