I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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