I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
