Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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