Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Randomize
