I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Randomize
