I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Randomize
