Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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