Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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