just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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