New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
