porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
