Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
