Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
