i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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