she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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