That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
