I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
