In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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