I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
