I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize