is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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