even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
