We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
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