you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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