I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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