Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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