The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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