i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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