what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
