Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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