I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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