dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
