Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
