my vag is so smooth its legendary
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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